Synopsis (To be continued)

I just woke up and am bleary eyed and not quite able to articulate myself in an elegantly eloquent way. Forgive me, dear non-existent readers.

I have a food problem. To put it succinctly, I am addicted to food. Whether its Spaghetti, Cheeseburgers (a personal favorite), pizza, steak, french fries, I love it all. I also have an inexplicable love for fast food and hold no discriminations towards any such establishments, that I can think of. In short, when it comes to fast food, its all good in my book.

It doesn't take a 5th grade drop out to see why the above might be problematic. I have a propensity for fatty, high calorie, comfort food, and to further problematize things, I detest vegetables and fruit.

Anyhow, my weight has climbed over the years. It's gone signiifcantly down a few times due to some very unorthodox methods I will not mention here at this time. However, in the overall scheme of things, the big picture is that my weight has increased.

I have tried tons of diet/way of eating plans. Atkins, Southbeach, Weight Watchers, Slim Fast, the Soup Diet, the Subway Diet, and yes the Mcdonalds Diet.

Here are the following problems with each of the above:

Atkins: Uh, Steak, Hotdogs, and Pepperoni slices 24/7? Can't do it. Besides you get this strange meaty taste in your mouth over the course of a few weeks

Southbeach: Is hell. Its a program with complicated recipes that requires expensive oils and spices, and has an emphasis on vegetables and fruit, alongside the incredibly difficult recipes. If the idea of a weed salad with mandarin orange slices and glazed salmon fillet sounds appetizing and easy to you, be my guest.

Weight Watchers: Probably the most viable option out there. However, they have BOOKS, BOOKS, and MORE BOOKS they want you to buy, points that need to be tracked, they peddle these special Weight Watchers snack bars that come in a box of 6 that seemingly get eaten in one sitting. Its complicated. Ive tried this ( a few times), get frustrated, the books go on a shelf, and I hit up Mickey D's.

Slim Fast: No explanation necessary. Replace a meal with a nasty shake? Not going to work for long.

Soup/Subway diet: Theoretically could work, and I was able to do it for about 4 months. Then I got to the point where the thought of soup and subway made me nauseous, and I had to find something else to eat. Again, I headed to Mcdonalds.

Mcdonalds diet: I heard about this on the internet. You go to Mcdonalds, order a yogurt, diet coke, and small burger/sandwich 3 times a day and you lose weight. The problem is that when I go to MC D's, I end up getting the Quarter Pounder with cheese and fries. How are you supposed to order the low calorie stuff when you have all that food porn laughing in your face as you sit at the drive thru menu? Exactly.